gissy truly sux.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Is this my second post in a day? Yeah.

I just wanna talk about time.

I don't think I'll come up with a passing essay about time in this blog post, and I don't even know where the post is gonna go, but yeah.

While doing my econs exam, I kept looking at the clock.

I told myself "In minutes time, I'll be done with Econs for promos!"

Note that I didn't panic about whether I could finish it or not.

I don't know why I looked at the time. I just kept looking at the time. 40 minutes more till I'm done. 15 minutes more till I'm done.

And then I realised.. It's all time.

Time determines my life. To me, at least. Feel free to disagree with me, but don't debate with me. I'll get superly annoyed.

Well, I realised that I didn't really care what went on much during that time, especially if I dreaded it.. I just looked forward to that point in time when it all ended.

And then today, I was thinking (okay, I'm gonna admit that I'm a hopeless romantic and HORRIBLY idealistic.. So embarrassing.).. If Hung and I -do- last till marriage and till death.. What happens when he or I dies?

I thought about this while watching a show where this guy was dying (and for a stupid reason too.. He was trying to get something for his lover that he promised long before time) and on his deathbed, and his lover was there talking to him.

How do you talk to a dying person? What do you say to a dying person?

I know those two questions might hit a sore and very very soft spot, but I've never spoken to a dying person before.

I don't want to know.

If Hung was in bed dying, I wouldn't know what to say to him. Or would it be such that I have NOTHING to say to him? Or would it be that I don't have to say anything to him because I wouldn't finish and I'll end up more disappointed than before? Because there's just not enough TIME?

I need time to think of what to say to him.. Summarise all the points and clump it together so as to make full use of the time. I need time to say all that I have to. There's just not enough time.

And the worst part is, you don't even know HOW much time, so even if you summarise 100 points in 5 minutes, your beloved might just live 1 of those 5 minutes you needed.

Then, I thought. Maybe I don't want to even see him die. What it if were a sudden death? And I only got contacted and told that my husband was dead?

And then my mind went "Oh no no no".

That's WORSE. Why? You wouldn't even have a CHOICE of whether to tell him all that you need to before his death. Everything'll just stop. It'll all be left hanging. Bad.

darkness falls at 11:01 PM