gissy truly sux.

Friday, October 12, 2007

It's my period talking.

WHO CARES!? I want to rant. So I shall.

The past two days have been utterly CRAP, and I thought it would be okay yesterday.

First, no one listens to me when I ask "Who's gonna go out?".

Okay, never mind.

Then we take SO long to leave. Okay, never mind. At least there was the cool breeze.

THEN, no one bothers to accompany to esplanade library. I asked for one. But got no one. Fine fine, it's about time I learnt independence.

THEN, my friend doesn't answer his phone while I'm walking to esplanade library, and didn't reply my message while I was in HMV. Then when I just reached the outside of esplanade library, he calls me and the first thing he says is "Oh my gosh, you REALLY went to esplanade library!?" like I was DAMN dumb to believe him. When he didn't even lie and DID intend to go to the library but had some last minute council thing to go to, but forgot all about me. And he didn't apologise. He just gave the awkward laugh. AND, he doesn't try to make up for it by giving the dvd to me free. When I proposed the idea, he just went "Nice try, hon". Please lah, even Chin Ho bothers apologising, even though its a rather sheepish, uncertain apology.

THEN, we don't have lunch until what, FOUR o'clock? The paper ended at ONE.

THEN. I expected my man to come and drop by city hall on the way home so we can go back together, but NO. He didn't take the hint that I wanted him to come over (I don't understand, you know. I say that I don't know my way around well, and I don't like going all the way from town to his place alone, and he DIDN'T get the hint. Why hint? Because we always have tyo pretend that we're nice people, that's why.). Worse still, he asked his friends to leave school earlier with him so they can cab home together. So now he owes his friends. And so he got really annoyed and asked "So what you want me to do now?". Of course, he couldn't let down his friends, so I told him to go with his friends, especially since they left school FOR him.

So later when I go to my man's place, I just stone and refuse to speak to him. I also don't know what to do. You want me to be happy, also cannot. I've been given too much crap for the day. You want me to just forgive him, also cannot. The worst thing is, he didn't do anything wrong, and the others didn't do anything wrong, so I had NO right to be upset.

My lao gong FORGOT, my man DIDN'T TAKE THE HINT, the outing group HAD TO WAIT FOR EVERYONE, the outing group could do more with one person and ONE MORE PERSON COULD EAT if one person didn't take me to esplanade library.

But we made up in the end and yesterday the day ended off pretty well. I had dinner at my man's place and his parents were being especially nice. You know what's weird? Whenever they have visitors, the visitor won't get normal water. It's a CONFIRM. I'm still considered a visitor. And the thing is, the maid seemed to know this, cause his parents didn't tell her to give me lime juice specially.

Today I had to wake up early and go to school for a meeting thing with my friend, Nicole, for prom matters. Just the two of us. So I woke up at 8, and the meeting was at 9. I had to walk ALL AROUND school. I hate it when they do that. They could always put security guards or staff members at the side gate so we can get in. I will complain. One day.

So I come to school for ONE hour, and then we're done. And we hardly did anything. AND I had to walk round the school TWICE. Oh well, at least there were loads of people in school, especially in the council room, so I was pretty happy with that.

But of course, I felt all bad about myself because I wondered why no one asked me out. At least when I mentioned that to Nicole, she asked me to go out with the councillors, cause she thinks they're going out today.

It's so weird. I always thought I was in SOME clique, if not, usually included in outings.. But I suppose I haven't made enough of an impact on people during exam period, so I'm easily forgotten. Oh, a taste of my own medicine? I haven't even given mine yet. I'll only give mine after we graduate or something. And even then, I don't think that's possible, cause I'll stick to the most recent friends until I find new ones. The last-minute "Oh, you can come along if you want" DOESN'T help. Perhaps you had a reason for not inviting me, oh well. I'm not talking about ONLY today, or ONLY one person.

Okay, so I get home and use the computer and wait for my maid to come back with my mum from the hospital, cause my mum went for a checkup. I get home at 10 or so, and start using the comp. And my maid and my mum take AGES to come home.

And when they come home, my mum told me she bought a skirt. Okay, quite nice. Then I walk to the kitchen and see that they bought Burger King for lunch. And I didn't get any. They just dumped 1/3 a pack of fries on me. I suppose they didn't get any lunch for me cause they might have thought I was gonna come home late. See? Not their fault. I can't blame them.

So my maid comes in and asks if I have had lunch, and I say no, and she doesn't do anything about it. So till now, all I've eaten is a piece of bread, and a slice of cake, and drank a cup of bubble tea.

Halfway through the day, I realise I get my period, and its quite good cause I didn't stain anything at all. I just peed, and when I wiped off, there was blood.

So yeah. I was quite happy with that.

Then there was a heavy rain, which didn't make my house feel any cooler, for some odd reason. Then thunder started booming. I like thunder. But this one was particularly unsettling. I decided to step away from the computer. So I decided to sleep, cause I didn't really have much to do and I was too lazy to read.

I nap for about slightly less than an hour, and then I get awoken by my handphone vibrating repeatedly. I don't care to see who it is, and just pick up the phone. Oh, its Roslyn. Yay, a friend called (my friends don't call. I don't know why. Not that I want to talk to them anyways, I think yakking on the phone is quite silly now. I used to like it, though.).

She asked me to go to school to help her get her PW. Oh, I suppose I'm the most likely candidate, since I live in Pasir Ris. I was going to be mean and refer her to cx instead, but I realise that cx is out singing with her secondary school mates. Then there's the backward and forward thinggy, and I realise I'm being very selfish, but I really didn't want to.

And then Roslyn makes it sound so bad, and that she supposes she can cab down to school. And I finally gave in. So I get up from my rudely interrupted sleep in bed, and change to go to school.

I get to school and realise there's no one there, then I think it through, and I can't blame Roslyn for this, since:
1. I made this choice myself
2. She must have had her reasons for informing me so late.

But on second thought, reason 2 isn't a reason. Unless she took millions of hours to ask people (HER GROUP MATES, who are, hmm, probably also NOT free) to get to school and get it for her, then I cannot blame her. Also, if she "forgot", I also cannot blame her. I won't ask her why when I see her later, I'd probably get more annoyed. And I cry very very easily nowadays. I think I'll tell her to not speak to me and just take it and go. If she comes to my doorstep, I'll just tell my maid to pass it to her.

What, her teacher told her last minute? Tell the teacher to extend the WR dates! The teacher doesn't have ANY right to make a student come all the way back on a school holiday to COLLECT something, which was given on SUCH LATE NOTICE.

Yes, I do wonder why she couldn't have asked her other group members, but again, as mentioned above, I suppose they must have been out with their friends. See? I can't blame them again.

And then I realise I'm getting very annoyed at not being asked out again. So I decide to find purpose, or rather, something to do in my life. I decide to sign up for giving tuition. And then I fill up the form, and I find that they need a picture. And then I look through my pictures and they're ALL very unsuitable. So I try to take a picture then. Oh great. Camera battery flat.

So I just leave that out first, and I go to my mum's room to tell her that I want to give tuition. Then she tells me I don't have enough time and all, and that my studies aren't very steady, but (in the very annoyed tone) if you want, then go lor. I tell her that its after promos already, but she says that if I fail, I have to study again what. Oh, how nice, tell me that I can't go and earn money if I want even though its AFTER promos, and that IF I fail (they told me NEVER to think that I will fail, and what happens if I fail), I still have to have time to study. Just ONCE a week. I want just ONCE a week.

I get ticked off, and so I just go back and decide not to do it anymore. But the window is still open. I'm leaving it there just in case I decide on giving tuition again.

Then my aunt calls, and I pick up the cordless phone, right beside me. I turn it on, but my phone's screwy again, and I can't hear anything on the other side. So I hang up after saying "Hello?".

Then my aunt calls again, and by the I've already whacked the phone till it worked, so when I picked up the phone, she asked who I was, and in the very annoyed tone "ni zhuo mo?" (equivalent to "What's your problem?" or "What did you do that for?" in a very rude way.). So I told her and she was okay already. But I was nevertheless annoyed already, so I STOOD UP (girls with their periods don't like standing up after sitting down much), walked all the way out of the room to hand my mum the phone. I held out the phone, and my mum just frowned in the very very annoyed manner and just stared at the phone. She said "What?". And I said "Phone call lah.". And she said "Who?" And I said "Ah Yee". Then she frowned and shook her head turning away. Just as I was about to say into the phone "Mummy bu xiang gen ni shuo hua." (Mummy doesn't feel like talking to you), my mum turned back and reached forward for the phone, then when she realised that I was lifting the phone to my ear, her hand retreated. I got annoyed even further and asked "You want or not?". Then I just dumped the phone on her.

See? Annoyance carries over a LOT of things.

And then my man ticks me off again because he says that he'll call me at 6, but AGAIN, he overshoots the time. He needs to learn to keep promises about time. If you say six, then let it be six. If you can't make it in time, message me about 15 minutes in advance and tell me so I won't have this stupid feeling of anticipation and expectation that you're gonna call and make everything oh-so-better. Not like you're good at it anyways. No, he doesn't read this. I can make him read it. Not that he'll read it tonight or tomorrow. He's got WORK.

My friend once asked me how patient I could get by waiting for my man to wake up in the morning. I didn't know. I just could. Now I can't. He works till so late, all for me. So he can earn money for me to spend. I told him that was some sort of warped logic that he needs to give me money. I said a relationship doesn't function on money. We went dutch for goodness-knows how long, even after the dating period (ours was ONE month), and then I ended up getting broke again, cause I always get broke.

Then he started making me take cabs so we can spend more time together, even for fifteen minutes. And he pays for these cab fares. And he says "I need to pay for your cab fares". And I tell him that I don't have to take a cab.

Here's what happens. EVERY Saturday morning, I wake up at around 6 so I can go to his place and he can sleep with me there cause he likes it (it's scientifically proven that males sleep better with their partners and that girls can't sleep well with their partners, or anyone in particular, I think). I don't. But I do that anyways, because why? Because I love him and the least I can do to make him happy is just go there early.

So I take a cab there. And he sleeps. And I sleep too, even though sometimes I'm just so awake. I sleep cause I have nothing else to do. I can't use his computer because the typing and all may disturb him. I can't read when others are around. I can't walk around the house randomly cause I'm not family, and its not my house. And every Saturday morning, an alarm is set for him. I wake up at the first alarm, maybe earlier. He sets another one "One hour more.. please.. can..?". I say okay. What else can I do? This doesn't happen more than once. Sometimes its an hour, sometimes half. Sometimes many many "fifteen minutes".

Am I getting annoyed for very stupid reasons? Maybe its just PMS.

Don't bother apologising. I can always go with my secondary school friends, or Preeti and that gang. I haven't seen them in a while.

Besides, I'd probably get over this in JUST a while.

And don't go gossiping about me and all that. You all KNOW I'm right. Besides, I know that even though I don't have a valid reason for feeling upset about getting loads of what I deem is crap nowadays doesn't mean I CAN'T be upset.

P.S.: Roslyn called and of course, we have to converse, and so I felt a lot better. I don't know what's wrong with me. And she apologised already. I won't erase what I typed earlier on, cause I spent quite a bit of time there. I still mean it. I feel a dull pain near my stomach.. Are those menstrual cramps?

darkness falls at 6:10 PM