gissy truly sux.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sorry my entries are getting shorter and shorter! Have to do homework today. *grins* I updated my other blog, if anyone wants to see it.. *beams* Not very good, but my most emotional one.. And realistic, too. It -is- real, if any of you are wondering.

If you're too lazy to search for the addy of my other blog, or even to scroll down.. Here it is: www.hearmycries.blogspot.com

Till next time!

darkness falls at 3:15 PM (0) comments

Friday, July 29, 2005

I refer all of you to the entry dated 29th July 2005 on this blog: www.babbleksh.blogspot.com , and I agree entirely to whatever my sis says. No questions, no answers, no tears.

Thank you, all of you who have stood by me and made me smile during this time, whether you knew or not.

Berlyn, Hemal, Lidya, Richenda, Nadia, Charmaine(who made me cry alot too, thanks to the website she directed me to: http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html ), Meijing, Jacelyn Jiang, Fiona Ong, Carolyn Tanu, Miss Gammar, Mrs Ooi, Marianne, Nicole Tan, Kyle, Ben, Kash, Shirley(the scaredy cat - you know who you are.), Ashley(Changkat.. Thanks for your Quadratini!), Jerome(don't be surprised, the toilet incident was funny), Addison, Shiyu, Daphne Quek. That should be it. If you remember making me laugh, or making me happy, don't hesitate to inform me. I'll edit this if I remember, or feel like it.

I love you all, even though I'm not close to some. Honestly.

"Meeting is a pleasure, parting is a pain. Treasure what you have and you'll never regret again."

darkness falls at 10:07 PM (0) comments

Sunday, July 24, 2005

*grumbles* One thing I don't like about notepad.. It doesn't get you to the next line whenever it reaches the side of the box(or whatever you call it. Mind went blank for a moment. Many moments.). But that is not the issue here! Anyways, I've decided to drop my habit of sounding like a whiny thing when I'm blogging:P Its just... wrong. *nodnods*

Anyways! I'm so SO weird! Really. I keep getting okay, then suffer relapses. I think I'm mentally unstable. *blinks* No wait, I'm pretty sure, now. Whateeeeever. *beams* That way, I'm special. *cheers for me*

See? Don't I seem so so so much happier now!? What with me moping around and complaining and bitching and begging about, I seem like such a weakling - which I am, but I am strong. Really depends on how you look at it. And what situation I'm in.

Anyways! Emceeing was fun! My teacher bought my chicken rice from the hawker centre nearby(I am assuming), for recess cause the other emcee, Michelle, and I were sorting out who says what because we just received the results for the competitions and such... For the prize giving ceremony.

A hawker centre, mind you! Hawker centre. I avoid going to hawker centres as best as I can(Well, not really.. I don't.). I usually just wail and complain for a few seconds.. Like.. "I can't believe you're actually making me eat in a hawker centre/food court.", or "Eee... They're making me eat in a hawker centre/food court." I just prefer eating in a fast food restaurant. Like McDonald's. Hawker centres... I don't know. I like some of the food there, yes, but I don't really like the hygiene level there. No matter how clean it is, being the me that I am, I love associating "hawker centre/food court" with "dirty".

Anyways, the chicken rice was really spicy... It was in a styrofoam box, and it had chicken rice chilli splashed all over the rice and chicken. No, it wasn't soaked in the chilli, but there really was a lot of it.

Plus plus, I kinda had a slight throat irritation, and I can't take spicy stuff much. Not long after, my nose started going runny, and alas, my voice was affected. A teensy bit. Sounded as though I got a blocked nose. Not that it mattered anyways. I didn't really care.

A new programme popped up, all of a sudden.. a malay singing competition.. And I used that time to drown myself in bottles and bottles of water(Yes, I'm just exaggerating.. I drank 3/4 of a bottle of mineral water.. Yech!) to recover from the spiciness that still lingered in my mouth.

Well, the next day, during Physics(the first two periods), Miss Tan(the same teacher who bought us chicken rice), called me out of the class, together with another emcee of another day, Ruth, and give us nice, scented candles with a little matching envelope.

When I opened the envelope(which was pretty thick.. I expected a card.), boy, was I surprised to find a letter! Ain't it sweet? I mean, the teachers I know don't usually do this. Its so... individualized. And cool. I like her so much! *cheers for her*
I don't know what else to blog about, so. *waves*

darkness falls at 12:14 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Its really, -really- been ages. And SO much has happened. (I'd better not cry when I make this post. *grins*) So much has happened.. And I've learnt so much, and I've changed so much. Character-wise. For the better in some aspects, but I'm not all that sure if I've turned worse in others. For one, I am sure that I have become a far more serious person, but more caring. No idea why.. I don't like it this way.(Maybe that's why I'm so.. intolerant of so many more things now, compared to before.)

Anyways, after the whole big incident(I shall not elaborate. People who actually know about what I am speaking of, puh-leez do not take this as a pathetic whimper in an attempt to receive pity and such, because this is not.), I thought it really was over, and I could refer to things that happened after what I assumed had ended/as "after", but it seemed I was wrong.. Very wrong.(Hope I didn't confuse you all. I shall add in a / for pauses when reading aloud.)

I assumed all my problems were solved, and that life would continue as per normal. But it seemed that news spread fast like wildfire, and there has been.. what I would call.. talking behind my back(I never said gossip. I really meant talking, literally.), about me.

And from what I've heard, it appears to me that I'm the bad guy now. People say that I "like heck care like that", but unfortunately, I myself don't know if they are right or wrong. The defiant side of me tells me that I care, I really do, and that I shouldn't blame them anyways, because this is really what it seems like, from their point of view.

These people have known the guy long before I've known them. He is closer to them than I am. Naturally, they will side with him(Or at least, seem to be.). I have not even spoken to them much, let alone form an emotional bond with them.

I have therefore told myself that I cannot blame them, and that I cannot, and should not attempt to do anything to make it clear to them that I do care. I do not remember if I have ever blogged this before, but I.. don't like making people upset, but I do, should the need arise.

I am seen smiling most of the time, and when spotted without at least a little cheer in my tone or expression, people see this as odd and ask me "Are you okay?", "What happened?" or "Why so quiet?". These questions usually make me smile, I don't know why. And if I'm upset enough, these questions are enough to make me cry(and smile, too.) *beams*

So... the topic of debate now is "Do I 'heck care' or not?".

I myself, as I have mentioned before, am not sure.

But for now, I can tell you that I'm leaning towards the 'heck care' side, but still, somewhere in the middle(my mind's telling me to type this, perhaps to save my soul, and pride, but I'm not sure. :P)

And a note to all.. All who were involved, all who know.. Take this as a plea. From me. Take it that I'm getting down on my knees and begging all of you. Stop this. All of this. Unless someone's telling you to do all this. I know I'm in no position to tell you all what to do, especially because I acted like such a whore and a bitch, and also because I hurt your friend so, but please. I don't know if its hurting that guy, but it is to me.

Now, let me indulge in my own self-pity. Continue on if you wanna gossip.

How painful is it for you to look at what you call friends, only to find out a mere two days later that they were talking behind your back? How painful is it for you to hear praises from a friend just a few days back before finding out that he/she was one of those who were speaking about you?

Would you not lose trust? Would you not trust as easily any more?

All these questions led me into believing that I might not have any friends... any true friends who really loved me. And just a few moments later after expressing my thoughts, my two closest friends, Charmaine and Hemal, told me that they loved me. *sobs* How touching. gissy shall end her whimpering.

But still, I really wish all this will stop. Not that it doesn't pain me... *interruption: one more said she loved me. Thanks, Nanda. :)*

I can confidently say that I cry very easily, but I recover just as easily. You can insult me all you want, give me a day or two and I'll be over it. You can be against me, just make sure you haven't spies around to tell on you. Ignorance for me, is bliss. Your friend needs more support, honestly. I have more than enough.. Or rather, I have all I need. Berlyn, Hemal, Nadia and Charmaine. I love all of you.:)

Yay, Nad just told me she loved me. *grins* I feel so... loved, but I'm still not sure. Love is merely a measurement of how much a person likes someone.

Weird, I shall not confuse myself.

I have become emcee for this year's Book and Music Week! Emcee for the first and last day(Racial Harmony Day). It lasts only three days. I've always wanted to be emcee, but I found that it was quite a boring job cause my teacher wants it so so formal. *grumbles*

Some people said I emceed well, and yes, I'm boasting very blatantly.. But I didn't feel so(Honest! No modesty down here.). *grins* At a loss of words now. Ta people. Hopefully I'm not dead before I feel like blogging again.

darkness falls at 8:16 PM (0) comments