>What's with me and biting the lip!?
*lol* Gasp! No gissy!
Yay or nae?
Tried to tie my hair so I could take pictures and my rubber band broke. Goodbye, brown rubber band.
Hair down..
Now I need to figure out how to style my hair for school. *lol* Maybe I should buy Gatsby MOVING RUBBER! It smells REAL nice.
darkness falls at 6:29 PM (0) comments
I sent him an email today. It's been, what, slightly over three years?
He actually replied. Yeah, I've seen him around on msn. I just never got around to starting any form of a conversation.
I was too.. scared? Ashamed of myself? Uncertain? Was I filled with hatred? Uncertain hatred? Uncertain nonchalance now since it's been so long?
I don't know.
Hey, that's it. I just didn't know.
What to say. I couldn't do anything.
What if I was right? What if I was wrong?
Apparently he hasn't really moved on. I mean, he's tried, I suppose, but to no avail.
Which just makes me feel oh-so-much-worse.
Was playing fk today. Oddly, DEJA VU. Same thing happened on fk. Odd, huh?
No, honestly, this post is more for myself than anyone else, so don't bother asking me "Who is HE?" or "What is fk?". I don't like explaining such things.
Such remorse, such remorse. He hasn't moved on. They're just not his kind.
I haven't told him about him yet.
I didn't want to. Not yet, at least.
And I don't know what to say. All I can say is "sorry". And "I'm so sorry.". And "I'm truly sorry.". And "I sincerely apologise.".
Why? Because I learnt that I was wrong. What would it be like if the last thing didn't happen? Would I be happier?
I don't know. Probably.
Approval? No, I don't think so. Asian culture, perhaps.
To think I just played a character that was so intent on breaking free from convention.
darkness falls at 8:34 PM (0) comments
Here in this place
A new light is streaming
Now is the darkness vanished away
See in this space
Our fears and our dreamings
Brought here to You in the light of this day
Gather us in
the lost and forsaken
Gather us in
The blind and the lame
Come to us now and we shall awaken
We shall arise at the sound of Your name.
Convents rock.
darkness falls at 2:58 PM (0) comments
While cleaning the whiteboard before lecture...
(Aunty Kenny holds onto the magnetic duster and rubs the stuff off the board).
Aunty Kenny: Hmm, this has a massaging effect.
(Then he proceeded to make mmm mmm sounds.)
Whee! TSD practicals are OVER! Now its time to study econs! WHOO!
I sure hope I'll not retain. The chances are getting low. I'm 70% sure I won't retain.
Yesterday I finally heard the song "Where do you go to my lovely" by Peter Sarstedt.
I realised its not easy to even find the lyrics online. Hilarious. One particular verse that stood out to me and that wasn't part of the lyrics page I found..
You're in between 20 and 30
A very desirable age
Your body is firm and inviting
You live on a glittering stage
...Whatever lor. Apparently it annoys the hell out of Roslyn. I think the tune, as Cai Xiang puts it "grows on you".
WHOO!
Can't wait for study break! Do you all think I'll study? I sure hope I will!
If I don't, its all predetermined. I couldn't help it.
Did something really cute during TSD today. I'm too lazy to take a picture of it. So I'll just do a "paint" version of it.
darkness falls at 9:51 PM (0) comments
Aren't we all EXCITED!
darkness falls at 7:54 PM (0) comments
How interesting. I stayed up till 1am the previous night to do my TSD critical commentary.
SO TIRED. I was SO TIRED today.
During Literature, we were analysing some poem and I made a lot of funny comments. One even commented on my peculiar behaviour: "Are you drunk?". I found it horribly amusing.
Yes, I know quite a few of you know WHO said that, but if I did that, I'd probably end up getting sued or something for MENTIONING someone's name. Must be careful with the internet.
Anyways, ya. I've been a little weirder than usual these few days, or so I think. I borrowed a chic flic (spelt right, right?) book from my school library. I find it sad that JC life seems to strip you of your time.
WHEE! So fun.
Went to Hung's place to get a pair of trousers that I can use as part of my costume for tsd (it's coming along REALLY well, btw, in my opinion, at least). Got a lift home by my man's mum. She drove me in the topless car (how scandalous!). It's topless only when you want it to be, btw.
Well, she made it topless.
Drove from Tanah Merah to Katong to pick Hung's sis up, then went along the ECP back to Pasir Ris. Didn't know which exit. Got lost. Ended up at Changi Airport. Why am I typing like this?
Me tired.
So, my point is. I sat in the back seat. Hair kept whipping against my face because of the wind.
Car going at high speed + extra natural wind = VERY messy hair which my maid described as "siao" and a very very numb face
Anyways, I've been having these stupid breathing difficulties for WEEKS. It's like.. when you start thinking about yourself breathing, it just makes me think that I'm not getting enough air. I take bigger breaths. My body seems to not be able to accomodate as much air as I would like to have. That's why I've been breathing really oddly nowadays, if you haven't noticed.
My man says its very psychological. I dunno. I hope to get rid of it soon. Either its asthma, or I need a psychaitrist. How annoying. Maybe I've forgotten how to pant naturally. Though Pace Creagan would do it just awesome.
darkness falls at 9:55 PM (0) comments
Hmm. Been a bit stressed here and there, but no prob, I can take it. It just takes me about an hour or so maximum to get over the stress.
One thing I wonder.. Why am I so unreasonable, and why do I not want to NOT be reasonable?
Isn't it odd?
Put simply, I want to be unreasonable. I don't intend to change that part about myself.
It's horrible, isn't it?
I don't even want to share knowledge sometimes.
Isn't that horrible?
E.g. I don't want the juniors next year to know that we can borrow stuff from the library for tsd.
Isn't that horrible?
Hmm.
So great. I'm selfish and unreasonable.
About being unreasonable, it's not that I think its a positive quality. I just don't like the idea of giving it up. It's too difficult. Maybe because I know I will be wrong on far too many occasions if I'm reasonable all the time. I'll lose too much. I don't like losing.
But of course, I'm sure darling Cai Xiang will beg to differ. I'm not an angel, hon.
Oh, btw. How many of you REALLY think I'm a bimbo? *lol* I mean, how many of you believe I'm really as dumb as I act? Do you all even know I'm acting.
I like the fact that people know I -am- acting. Jerine and Siti were commenting on that this morning. WOOT!
What's woot anyways?
It's like a whoo-hoo, ya?
WOOT!
darkness falls at 8:23 PM (0) comments
1. Go to wikipedia and edit a sentence/grammatical/spelling mistakes. If not, make them.
2. Or.. you can try this out at carrefour or something.
http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/archive/index.php/t-31393.html
darkness falls at 4:41 PM (0) comments
I'm not okay again. Hmph.
All I can say is that bad things come in tsunamis.
darkness falls at 8:57 PM (0) comments
darkness falls at 7:20 PM (0) comments
I ask myself what love is.
I ask myself why I don't know the answer.
I ask myself if I am the best in anything at all.
I ask myself why I am so competitive.
I ask myself why I don't care when I lose.
I ask myself if its because its over.
I ask myself why I really, truly believe that I don't care if I didn't do well.
I ask myself why I suddenly care after not caring.
I ask myself if he has anything to do with it.
I ask myself: Studies or him, or studies and him?
I'll try the latter before the former.
It never used to be like that. I did so well for my O levels. And I met him lots.
No, we're not fighting. No, we're not quarrelling. No, I'm not losing the feeling. No, I'm not meeting him more than I used to. No, he doesn't read my blog often. No, I don't know why I dare to tell you all this. No, I don't know what my point is in telling you all this. No, I'm not sure if its because I need someone to listen, but I want to feel as though no one is listening.
I know its stress, people. If there's anything you do, DON'T be like me. I seem like I'm alright, but really, I'm not.
Relationships weren't made for kids like me.
darkness falls at 6:36 PM (0) comments
I was looking at it last night.. Around 10+ or 11pm..
A tired mind and a seemingly harmless picture do NOT go well together.
There was this particular picture. Wasn't very big.
The caption mentioned something along the lines of 18 Iraqi criminals being hanged.
The picture showed about two or three of them ALREADY hung.
I don't know why. The only words in my head were "Oh shit."
I don't know why.. again. I looked closer.
I don't know why I zoomed in to their necks.
I don't know why I bothered to find the connection between The Handmaid's Tale's hangings and this one. No, I didn't think THMT was a prophecy. I just was reminded of the hangings.
I don't know why their heads weren't covered.
I saw their necks.
They really looked broken.
Then I got that feeling again.
"Oh shit."
I couldn't help it, I started tearing..
I would've started crying real bad, but I forced myself not to because I didn't like puffy eyes and the explanation I would have had to give when people saw the puffy eyes.
And then, I prayed.
I don't pray much.
I wouldn't call myself a Christian.
Don't condemn me yet, I'm what many would call an agnostic.
But if there's a god I believe in, it's the Christian god. That's for sure. Just that.. I don't believe in Jesus much. So I believe in God the Father. No, I'm not very pious, so please don't bug me to try and help until I ask for help.
Hmm. I just digressed.
Back to the point..
I just felt like.. "Oh God.. All this is so real.. Why didn't such pictures use to affect me before this? And they're just criminals. I wish there was an article to it."
And then it got me thinking:
"Do people really deserve the death sentence? I really wish there was an article, so that I can understand, and possibly ACCEPT why they died. If it was murder, yeah, okay. But the magazine didn't say 'murderers'. It said 'criminals'. Is breaking the law necessarily breaking a commandment?"
After a moment's thought, I figured it was so.
Honestly, I don't know WHAT was the point of that whole prayer. I just felt horrible.
Hmm.
I'm very very preoccupied with death today.
When I left the house this morning, it was going to rain.. Storm, perhaps. I walked faster, hoping the rain wouldn't fall on me.
When I got to Hung's place, lightning was flashing repeatedly.. The wind was blowing threateningly. I actually felt scared.
What if I get into a freak accident and get struck by lightning? To death?
Then later today I got a little emo. I actually felt a little suicidal. I mean, not crazy bitch kind of suicidal.
I just felt as though I wasted the week. I asked myself: What would I regret leaving behind if I do commit suicide?
First thought: Hung?
Surprisingly, I thought: Nah.
Then I just thought.. I'll regret not having performed my TSD piece before I died. It's my only sure-to-shine thing.
And then I thought: No time. Talme. *lol* Hmm, econs. Really, what if I retain?
Food for thought: What's the difference between "killing myself" and "committing suicide"?
P.S.: No, I'm not going to committ suicide. I'm too much of a coward to do so. But then again, am I too much of a brave person to continue living life?
Ah, the play with language.
darkness falls at 7:03 PM (0) comments
But I THINK I've found my passion.
SO WEIRD RIGHT!
I really really like making videos!
I don't really have much inspiration, and I suck at being IN the videos, but I like to compile them!
I made a whole bunch of videos earlier during the June holidays this year.. And yeah!
Okay, fine.. I deleted them.. But I'm sure they're somewhere else.
Hmm. We'll see.
darkness falls at 9:16 PM (0) comments
Here you go. I did a video just for fun. It's my first time doing a proper video thinggy, but it was a last minute decision, so I didn't prepare for it much.
darkness falls at 5:59 PM (0) comments
gissy. says:
I shall remain his fantasy for as long as I can.
fallacy says:
HAHAHAHAA
gissy. says:
Sway my hips a little more when I walk past him, give him dazzling smiles when I see him.
fallacy says:
DONT LEAD THE POOR GUY ON!
fallacy says:
hahahahahahaha
gissy. says:
Flap my shirt obscenely when I'm feeling warm to fan myself, but make sure he has a glimpse of what's inside..
gissy. says:
Hot.
fallacy says:
HAHAHAHA wear nice smelling bra and ask him where the smell is coming from!
gissy. says:
LOLLOLLOL!!!!
gissy. says:
HILARIOUS!
gissy. says:
This is so gonna make it to my blog.
gissy. says:
Let's come up with more!
fallacy says:
or ask him to smell then ask him to guess what smell that is...like what you did to us!
Note: I once wore a bra that really smelt really really nice.. Smelt of washing detergent, just stronger by about 100%.
darkness falls at 4:37 PM (0) comments
If you thought it was just an exaggeration or sensationalised drama, you were wrong.
It was our one-year anniversary today.
I called the whole thing off.
The flower he got me was pink, and a rose. I told him I never wanted a pink rose. Stick to red.
The flower he got me came only at around 3pm.
The flower he got me never left his house. I decided to "keep" it there with him.
He refused to be upset becuse he didn't really care about the flower.
He refused to let me pay for the Cream of Mushroom Campbell soup.
He made me dye his hair dark brown for him.
He made me contemplate dying his armpit hair for him.
Even after the breakup, and after I kicked him to the half of his bed that I gave him because he split assets with me, his legs still came into my half of the bed. How outrageous.
He refused to let me tickle his nipples.
He made me walk ALL the way from his place to Shop 'n' Save in the hot blazing sun, under the umbrella that I insisted on bringing cause it was scorching and I refused to be tanned.
It was just too much to take. I couldn't bring myself to be with him anymore.
I dumped him.
But the infuriating man.. He REFUSED to consent to the breakup, and so we're stuck together. How dumb.
darkness falls at 8:44 PM (0) comments
Just click and register please! Even if its just for fun. :D