gissy truly sux.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Yes, this is my second post in less than an hour.

Oh gosh, people.. there's SO much tension.

I can't take it anymore.

Call us emo, call ME emo. But I just wanna cry it all out.

This wasn't what I thought A06 would be.

You know what the worst part is?

My memory's really bad.

I can't go back to my old friends. I detach myself easily. Why? Because I move on.

I live in the present and future.

I put so much hope into A06. The PRESENT.

And now its all fucked up.

I gave my all. Don't ask me how. It's a subjective "feeling" thing.

Don't see it?

Look closer.

P.S.: I can't believe I'm crying right before teacher's day.

darkness falls at 9:20 PM (0) comments

I'm sick of people talking about how sweet Hung is to me.

Yes, I do realise WHO reads my blog.

Yes, a blog is MY place to rant.

Why? I can't rant to Hung because apparently HE'S involved.

I can't talk to my classmates because they'll always think he's super nice and I should "keep him".

They don't understand.

YOU ALL don't understand.

Fuck it, no one understands.

No worries. By the end of this post, you all WILL understand.

It's simply simple logic. If you all can't get it into your thick skulls how fucking annoying it is, then so be it.

It's disheartening. It's callous. It's selfish.

Why?

Never ONCE in my entire life have I heard someone say "Oh, that's so sweet of you.". Even if there was, I probably don't remember. Why? I have a bad memory. Or rather, I didn't feel it was sincere.

I haven't heard anyone say "Oh, wow, Hung, you're really lucky to have gotten her.". EVER.

I asked him before. He admitted that no one ever said that before.

Not that he doesn't feel lucky to have me.

But the point is. How is it fair that I can show him off, and he can't show ME off?

What do I have? Looks?

Yeah, that. Okay.

Uhh.. That's about it, Miss Huang. You don't really qualify.

That's FUCKING how I feel.

Fucked up.

Censorship?

Okay, SCREWED up. Happy?

Don't like the idea that I'm ranting on my blog?

Oh, you all know very well who you all are.

I feel incompetent, next to him. He says I'm loads smarter than him. I used to believe that. But look at what he's doing now. As. Bs. One C. Majority As.

How dumb do I feel?

Very.

I'm not even top ten in class. Hell, I'm probably bottom five.

Ooo, and if I'm lucky, rock bottom!

Why all this competitiveness?

Because I love you.

I love you all.

Hey, GOTCHA! *lol* Please lah. Like I'll "scold" you all on my blog like that.

Please. I'm more tactful.

AND... I'm not as shallow as you all think I am.

I'm very scheming and VERY two-faced.

Watch out, bitches. *complete with "hey bitches" hand action*

darkness falls at 8:43 PM (0) comments

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Hmm. I noticed something.

When the second and third generation dies off, Singapore's remaining population may not speak dialects at all. At the most, it'll be 15% who will continue to speak dialects.

That's horrible.

We should make an effort to speak them, learn them while we can.

Not everyone of around my age nowadays can converse effectively in a dialect. We should learn.

And today, I was talking to my grandma.

She's really old.. Probably may not survive beyond, say, 5 years? I really don't know.

Sad, but ya. She asked me if I wanted a necklace.

Then I said no, cause I don't use them and they're such hassles.

Then she said that I could just put it on and leave it there, no committment attached.

I wanted to explain to her that it doesn't usually match my clothes, but didn't know how to say it in Cantonese, so I just kept quiet.

Then she went on by saying that all her grandchildren have one and she's not biased. And she said something along the lines of.. If she dies, I'll have something to keep from her.

My first thoughts were:

Then all the more I wouldn't want it. When my cat Bacon died, his picture was on my handphone background and I never changed it ever since then.. Until I got a new phone. And then I told myself it was time to let go. He died when in September 2005. I changed my phone just a month or two or three ago.

The point is. If my grandma gives me a necklace and I wear it like how I used to wear this particular chain around my neck 24/7, when she dies.. When will I ever take it off? I probably won't dare. I'll feel as though I'm not doing her justice if I take it off. So no. I won't want a necklace.

Then I wondered.. Cantonese. It's the only thing she'll leave behind with me. Okay, my aunts and all had a part in teaching me Cantonese, but my grandma was the main person.

So when she dies, I should. I SHOULD make an effort to practise Cantonese. Maybe even teach Hung. Learn from Chin Ho and Cheng Hung and Wyntrice and Melissa and my ex-Chinese teacher. I'm sure a lot of them know. No harm asking here and there. Then teach. Teach Wai Wan and Cai Xiang. Cai Xiang seems quite okay with learning it. Wai wan is EAGER to learn it. Or so I think.

Hmm.

darkness falls at 7:09 PM (0) comments

Hmm. I'm getting bored from Great Ex, so I'm going to slack for a while.

Yesterday, I got this really horrible gastric pain. At least I think it was gastric. I've never gotten gastric before. Anyways!

It was a real horrible tummyache, both piercing and searing pain, but more piercing when I moved. And then... I figured it was cause I wanted to poop (even though I didn't feel like pooping AT ALL).

So I tried to poop, and I did.

But the ache was still there.

And worse still, I felt like PUKING.

I went to the toilet twice, and kneeled on the floor and stared into the toilet bowl. During the second visit, I told myself to brave the uncomfortable experience and just try to puke and get it over and done with.

Nuh-uh. NOTHING came out.

Anyways. Know what it feels like to try and puke?

I took very very clear notice yesterday. Induce vomitting, and it'll make you feel a LITTLE better.. Makes you tear instantly, and then... A LOT of saliva will form. Salty salty tasting. Sounds gross?

Anyways, I decided to take notice for some odd reason.. Perhaps TSD is getting to me. Like.. "NOTICE AND OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS SO YOU CAN REPLAY EVENTS IN YOUR HEAD BETTER"

Cool.

darkness falls at 1:08 PM (0) comments

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Even though I haven't posted in what, two weeks? It is NOT dead.. I just haven't had time to load pictures and all. *lol* I don't even know what's in the camera anymore.. I'll post when I have time, okay?

You all have no choice but to say okay because I'm in control of my blog. :D

darkness falls at 1:00 PM (0) comments